Our winning red rose rhymers

Wow. We challenged foodies to pen a “Roses Are Red” poem to their kitchen tool Valentine, to stand the chance to win the object of their affection. 250 poems flooded in, which made choosing a winner one heck of a difficult process. We decided to set the Mug of Destiny aside and instead looked carefully at all the poems submitted on Facebook and via email.

We looked for poems that were excellently written, showed near-on-psychotic passion for a specific kitchen tool and stuck strictly to the classic “Roses Are Red” poetic metre (4,4,5,4). We narrowed it down to three winning poems and we snuck in two special mentions.

So, without further ado.

The first winner is Mandy Nel, for her declaration about the Cuisipro Food decorating pen:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
With a Cuisipro food pen
I can ice straight and true!

The second prize goes to Colette Richardson for her lament about the Stainless Steel Egg Separator:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
It’s just no yolk,
Being separate from you.

And now, what a lot of you will have been waiting for… It may not come as a surprise that 50 of the 260 entries were lust letters to the KitchenAid Artisan Stand Mixer, the ‘Brad Pitt of kitchen tools’ (coined during this competition, by Anshal Bodasing). So you’ll be glad to know that one of these made it as one of our winners. Sometimes it pays to dream big, people.

The last of our three prizes goes to Gail Christie, for her neat, rhythmically perfect and somewhat risqué poem:

Roses are red,
And love would be made,
If I whipped my batter,
In a KitchenAid.

An egg separator, food decor pen and mighty mixer are on the way to their respective lovers. Special mention must be made of two particular poems, which did not fit the criteria bill strictly, but we loved. From Phil Ireland:

Roses are red, but my olives are blue
their hearts are all hard with a stone you can’t chew
I need a new gadget to spit out those pits
so I won’t be left with teeth full of grits.
Just one hand is needed to complement feta
and its dishwasher safe, could this get any better?
The Chef’n Quickpit pitter is all I desire
on Valentines day to ignite my fire.

Phil, quit your day job and become a full-time poet immediately.  And this delightful re-work of another classic love poem, from Maisha Fox:

Me and Wusthof
Sitting in a tree
First we cut the vegies
Then we cut the fish
Then we diced some parsley to sprinkle on the dish.

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to pen and send in poems. We loved reading them all, and wish we could have given everyone their kitchen Valentine.

Tough love people, tough love. See you next time.